Happy Tuesday everybody! If you haven’t read Thursday’s post (part one of A Young Woman’s Hot Take On: Modesty) then you need to go read that before this one! It has a lot of great info and connections I’ll make that you’ll miss out on if you skip.

Now, this second post is to illuminate the lies that are often tossed around casually and believed about modesty and purity culture—and in these two posts, I break down four big lies that Christians and non-Christians alike believe:

• Lie #1: Sexual immorality and lust is solely the fault of immodest women.
• Lie #2: Women must protect the men around them by hiding themselves and their bodies.
• Lie #3: Lust is only a man’s struggle, and men are too weak to extinguish their lustful thoughts.
• Lie #4: All of a woman’s worth is put in her body.

Today we’re tackling lies three and four, and let’s go ahead and dive right in.

Lie #3: Lust is only a man’s struggle, and men are too weak to extinguish their lustful thoughts.

‘…[B]ut each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.’
James 1:14-15 NIV

This lie is very dangerous, especially in the context of the Church. (I’ll explain that in a bit.)

Both men and women are human, and because we are human, we will all likely fall to lust at some point. And in today’s day and age with social media, music, TV, smutty books, and manipulative AI, it is far easier than we expect. 

The first part that is so degrading to men specifically is this:

Because it is so easy to fall into lust, we propose it as ‘normal’ for men doing so because of other women’s choices. But then, because it is so ‘normal’, we eliminate the idea and the importance of making sure to extinguish those sinful desires. 

A big part of this post is how this immodesty issue degrades women, but it actually degrades men as well! They are portrayed as weak, unable to know what is right or wrong, and helpless—all of which is untrue. 

The most mature men I know are the men who are aware that lustful desires are wrong and they do everything in their power to be held accountable so as not to fall into it—that means they stop consuming certain medias, they focus on prayer, they talk to a male mentor who guides them on that journey, and they also keep their relationships with women respectful, rather than letting the women’s image be stained in the man in question’s mind. 

Men are very capable of this, and it’s a very admirable quality when you know a man holds himself and his male peers accountable. 

In the Church we can read horror stories of male leaders—not just members of the congregation—who fall to lust and don’t hold themselves accountable. And then when the truth comes out in the open (because at some point, it always will—Luke 8:17) we don’t hear of them making an effort to extinguish that struggle. Since modesty is just as much as an inward quality as it is an outward one, these specific leaders were not acting with the same humility and integrity as someone who has a modest character.

That doesn’t mean it’s easy—it’s a struggle, of course it won’t be easy—but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Far from it. The Lord works in wondrous ways in the hearts of those who walk with Him.

So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.
Galatians 5:16 NIV

The Bible says clearly that men are supposed to be self-controlled:

Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.
Titus 2:6-8 NIV

Paul writes of the importance of these qualities in young men—self-control, integrity, seriousness, and soundness—so that everything they do glorifies the Lord. When we abandon the cruciality of raising young boys to be sound men, we find ourselves surrounded by distasteful qualities and ask, “Where did they go wrong?”

This is a calling placed on men and women—fathers and mothers—in their own homes: to raise sons and daughters who recognize the value and worth of the opposite gender placed on them by the Lord.

Now the second part that is degrading is this: we go as far as to say that women do not struggle with lust. This is so absurd it makes me laugh! I’m sure most of us have heard of the awful side (or one of the many awful sides) of TikTok called BookTok. It’s full of authors promoting their smutty books about the girl who falls for the hockey player because of—surprise—his body and his looks. Or maybe you’ve seen videos of the people who talk about the dark, moody kidnapper with an unquenchable thirst for blood and for some reason, that’s hot. (Twilight, anyone?)

I’ve heard people say, “If BookTok was for men, the police would be called,” and heck yeah, I can agree. It’s pornographic, even if people don’t like to admit that it is because it’s for women. It’s harmless, right?

If it’s so harmless for women to read four sex scenes in one chapter, then surely men watching porn once a day is harmless. 

The math doesn’t add up (and that’s not because I’m bad at math).

Lust is not something that is grown or planted in your mind solely because of the people around you (although that might be the case for some people), but also the content you choose to consume and feed. If you are not killing those thoughts, then you are encouraging it and are just as much at fault as someone who might be purposefully dressing provocatively. 

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭10‬:‭5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

In the end, we all just need to be honest with each other: lust is a human problem—not solely provoked by women and not solely a struggle for men. 

Lie #4: All of a woman’s worth is put in her body.

‘Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.’
1 Peter 3:3-4 NIV

When people (especially men) tell women that their body is the reason other men fall into sin, we are degrading that woman’s body and worth. 

Just like how men are degraded because of something they can control or learn to extinguish with hard work, dedication, and accountability, women are degraded over something they sometimes can’t control: people lusting over them.

This ‘rule’ against immodesty communicates, “All your worth is put into your body and the clothes you wear.”

If that’s not an earthly, human-conceived idea, I don’t know what is. 

In 1 Samuel 16:7, we see the Lord tell Samuel,

“Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

Samuel has taken a guess at which of Jesse’s sons would be the next king likely because of his height, his strength, and his attractiveness. 

But the Lord tells Samuel otherwise. 

Samuel put the worth of this king-prospect into his appearance—not the ability in which he would judge or would rule fairly, the way he would extend grace, or the way he might treat others with kindness.

How often do we do this with people in today’s day and age? 

In my post Is Modesty Subjective? I point out that immodesty does not eliminate you as a Christian.

However, if you are choosing to dress immodestly every day and following a lewd lifestyle, you are not living the life that God has called you to live. And along with that, modesty is an inward quality as well. The two go hand in hand—dressing modestly only goes so far if you are prideful in the heart, while behavioral modesty only says so much when you’re choosing to dress for man instead of God.

Your worth is not defined by your appearance or the way you dress—rather the opposite. It is defined by the Lord: He puts all of our worth in us because He is worth more than anything we can do or anything the world can give us. 

With that, thanks for reading, and have a great day!
~Willow