“Ladies, you must protect boys and men from falling into lust by hiding your shoulders, your ankles, and most important of all: don’t you dare show your toes.”

Yes, that is a joke, but yes, it is also based on real things people say.

Modesty, while it is very important, is also a burden dropped on the shoulders of women. 

As I share all my hot takes and thoughts on modesty, my point is not to discriminate against men who struggle with lust or women who dress in provocative ways. Rather, it’s to provide a second look (from a young woman) into what thoughts on modesty might need to be reworked. 

As I mentioned in my post, Is Modesty Subjective? I am not against modesty. There’s so much beauty and admirability in a woman (and a man) who dresses in a way that glorifies the Lord. 

This post is to illuminate the lies that are often tossed around casually and believed about modesty and purity culture—and in these two posts I break down four big lies that Christians and non-Christians alike believe:

• Lie #1: Sexual immorality and lust is solely the fault of immodest women.
• Lie #2: Women must protect the men around them by hiding themselves and their bodies.
• Lie #3: Lust is only a man’s struggle, and men are too weak to extinguish their lustful thoughts.
• Lie #4: All of a woman’s worth is put in her body.

There’s more to humans than just their sin and faults—-and we can read in the Bible that the Lord does not look at the outside to determine their worth. However, that does not validate the casualness when it comes to dressing, because like I said: we should dress in a way that glorifies the God who created us. 

Are you ready? Let’s dive right in to our first two lies.

Lie #1: Sexual immorality and lust is solely the fault of immodest women.

‘For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world.’
1 John 2:16 NIV

As I’m writing this post (probably a week-ish before this will be published), only an hour or two ago I was walking into Starbucks. Now, before I continue this story, I’m going to show you an exact picture of what I am wearing:

A green quarter-zip, white-washed straight jeans, and white Vans hightops. Now, if you look at this, do you see that I am scandalously dressed, super provocative, and 100% going to make guys fall into lust because of my clothing choices?

No, of course not. It’s modest, it’s cute, and it’s casual—which is pretty much on point for 90% of my outfits. (The other 10% being the outfits that I wear with my best friends when we look like girls who live in dumpsters.)

But as I’m walking into Starbucks I hear shouting.

“Whooooooooooo! Yeah!”

I look around and see two grown men sitting in a car at the red light maybe thirty yards away, windows down, pointing at me, a’hooting and a’hollering.

“Get it! Yeah, whoooooooooo!” 

Cue the prompt shaking and speed-walking into Starbucks. But then, when I turned my back to face them to walk through the door, they stopped shouting.

And instead, began screaming. Like they were at a show and their favorite performer had walked out—but instead they were stopped at a red light and were joyfully harassing a seventeen-year-old girl.

Safe to say I no longer wanted my Starbucks and instead wanted to throw up. 

Now, why do I share this story? It’s not funny, but I also don’t want to play the victim. Rather, I want to use this as an example: my clothing choices were not what provoked these men. And my actions were not what provoked these men either.

I would love to say that my clothing choices are what protect me from the actions of the male figures around me, but that’s not true. In all reality, nothing I do can stop the choices of someone else—-they have free will and that’s their decision. 

It’s difficult to watch my peers and the girls around me do their best to protect themselves with their clothing choices due to past negative experiences. 

We excuse these actions and say, “It’s just boys being boys,” and while that’s true—because in this story, these grown men are 100% acting like boys—we also forget that that’s not a reason to excuse them and we should also raise the newer generation to treat its counterparts with respect. 

However, none of this is to say that all men are bad and mean creatures—I’m so happy to say that I have more positive interactions with the guys around me than I do negative interactions. More guys are respectful and polite with me than they are rude or harassing. 

While the world we live in encourages this behavior, that doesn’t mean that men and women should validate it or hide from the truth. So in the third section of this post, Lie #3, I talk about the importance of being held accountable when it comes to lust and sinful desires.

The Lord blesses us with Scripture about sexual morality. In 1 John 2:16, it’s so important how it’s written that “lust…comes not from the Father but from the world.” That in itself tells us: if it’s lustful, it’s not from God. And if it’s not from God, it’s not something we should be indulging in, validating, or casually allowing. 

We can gain so much wisdom from Scripture and what the Bible has to say on this specific topic is better than any so-called ‘wisdom’ you’ll gain from watching a TikTok. What the Bible teaches us is more than just ‘old knowledge’ but rather knowledge and wisdom that comes from the mouth of the Lord.

‘All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.
2 Timothy 3:16-17 NIV

Now the second commonly told lie about modesty:

Lie #2: Women must protect the men around them by hiding themselves and their bodies.

‘Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy. Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the flesh.’
Romans 13:13-14 NIV

I recently went to a prom with a friend. There is a dress code for this prom (which I can understand—some dresses are the opposite of modest) but the dress code is unbelievably strict. Strict as in, “Girls should hide their bodies because men can’t handle their own thoughts,” strict.

But it is biblically not okay to say this. 

When the Lord created Adam and Eve in the garden, we all know: they had no clothes. Why? Because they were fearfully and wonderfully made and they were one because of their marriage. 

However, after they sinned, they felt ashamed of their bodies and made clothes for themselves. And this is a fair emotion: they’re vulnerable. But these feelings don’t disqualify the fact that their bodies are made in the image of God and are just as they are made to be. Human nature and sin is the cause of this negative feeling. 

But now shame has transferred onto the backs of women and tells them, “You must hide your body, it is wrong and is too provocative.”

These days, modesty often isn’t considered the nature of dressing or behaving in a way that glorifies the Lord, but rather dressing in a way that communicates: no tight clothes, no showing skin, or else your actions cause others to sin. 

Our bodies are made the way they’re supposed to, but sin has warped the image and said, “It’s shameful and you’ll cause a whole generation of guys to ruin their lives because of your clothing choices on a random Tuesday.”

However, women should not let this become an excuse to dress however they would like. Because we are made in the image of the Lord, we should choose to dress in a way that glorifies Him. 

Although it is important for men to be held accountable when it comes to lust (and I get into that in the next section) it’s also just as important for women to be held accountable when it comes to their clothing choices. 

It might not look like the extreme “You must not show your hair or else beware of the forthcoming hellfire and brimstone,” but maybe instead look like asking yourself, “Does this glorify God or is it mainly to attract attention from people?”

Modesty and accountability go hand-in-hand. Not only that, but they also require mutual effort from both parties—men and women on each side. 

For some women, dressing modest might be a struggle and having a mentor or a peer to hold them accountable might be helpful. For some men, lustful thoughts might be a difficult thing to deal with, and again: having a mentor or peer to hold them accountable is extremely necessary. (More on that in a moment.)

It can even go vice versa—some women might struggle with lustful thoughts and they will need an accountability partner and mentor, while some men might need to focus less on their appearance so that it glorifies the Lord rather than attracts human attention. 

All that is to say: it’s not a one-way street for either gender. We’re all human, and we can all work to glorify the Lord better each and every day.

Be on the lookout for next Tuesday when I post the second part addressing these two lies:

• Lust is only a man’s struggle and men are too weak to extinguish their lustful thoughts
• All of a woman’s worth is put in her body.

Thanks for reading! I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments on this topic.
~Willow