About seven months ago, I flew to Washington state (a month after moving to North Carolina) for my old church’s summer camp. It was one of the best things that has ever happened to me (I talk about that in my post, Unload Your Pack)and I’ve mentioned this trip several times in various posts because, again: it’s one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

Like I said in Unload Your Pack, God quite literally parted oceans for me—not only did He allow for me to receive a full-ride scholarship, but there was the huge blessing of a friend paying for my plane tickets to and from Washington. Then there was the matter of friends providing a place to stay before and after camp, then transportation to and from the airport.

All for me to hear the message of unloading our packs.

And in these past few months, I’ve been in confusion whether or not I should fly back and make it happen again. Now that I have a job, I can afford plane tickets and camp (maybe with a half-off scholarship if possible) and I’m still in great contact with my friends there.

But there have been changes. And as I was explaining all this to my mentor—she went to that church and was one of our small group leaders—I realized that I wasn’t simply telling her these reasons, I was also telling myself.

I laid out all the doubts and reasons why this year might not be a good choice. But behind the scenes when thinking about it by myself, I had only laid out one reason at a time so that I couldn’t see it all in front of me—and with just one reason at a time, spaced out from the others, it seemed realistic: I should go to summer camp.

But it doesn’t make sense for me to go this year.

My youth pastor—who would be a huge reason for me going, he’s been such a great mentor to me—has left. One of my small group leaders (the one I talked to about summer camp) has also left the church’s youth group for personal reasons, but she’s still involved in the small group’s life, she just can’t go to the summer camp. Not to mention, my family is going to the beach and we come back two days after summer camp will have begun.

Then the biggest one: The message at summer camp last year helped me move on from something in Washington. Going back to the same setting where I was very vulnerable and conflicted would just…reset that healing and progress I’d made in the past year.

And before you say, “Willow, that’s the doubts in your head talking,” let me say this:

Going to Washington would cause me more hurt than staying in North Carolina would.

There’s a handful of more reasons that are personal as to why I’m not going to summer camp this year, but when I finally admitted, “I’m not going to camp this year” I realized this:

God opened all those doors to make it possible for me to go to WA. And while He was doing that, He was saying, “Enjoy these blessings, child. It’s the last time you’ll walk through this door.”

And now the door is locked. I’m hurting, but at peace. And I know it’s all for good.

At first when I looked back on camp, I said, “God made it possible for me to get there because there was a message and theme I needed to hear.” (You can read about that in Unload Your Pack if you haven’t seen the link I’ve posted twenty times already.)

Now, looking back at camp 2025 and looking forward at camp 2026, I say, “God made it possible for me to get there because a) there was a message I needed to hear, b) it was the last summer camp for one of my small group leaders, c) the last summer camp for my pastor, and d) it was likely the last summer camp for me.”

I don’t know if I’ll go to summer camp of 2027—which would be my senior year—but that’s not in my calendar right now. (Who plans two years in advance? Heck, I don’t even know what I’m doing tomorrow, guys.)

What I do know is that while it’s hard to accept what God has planned out for me, I also know that there are many blessings in disguise with this decision.

‘And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.’
Romans 8:28 NIV

There’s nothing wrong with making the right decision and being sad about it.

It hurts and it’s okay to be hurt because the feelings and emotions are totally valid—but there’s so much more goodness and growth that will come out of this decision and choice.

In the end, it all works out.

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this post!
~Willow