As I was getting ready for bed the other night, my lamp flickered. Because I was standing all the way across the room, I rushed to turn on the ceiling fan light so that if for some reason my lamp went out, I didn’t have to walk across the dark room and possibly trip over something and die. (It’s not impossible.)

It’s not because of the possibility of the dark that I turned on the ceiling fan light, but rather so that I could comfortably get ready for bed.

But I used to be afraid of the dark. I used to be terrified that some monster would leap across the room the second I turned off my light. I used to be paranoid that if I dangled a limb off the edge of my bed, something would touch me or worse—tickle me. (Valid fear, right?)

Have you ever imagined a version of your future self and then the time comes where you’re at the age of that future self?

When I was in elementary school, I pictured the adult version of myself, not often my high school self. However, the version of me today is not the version that I expected to grow up to be.

No, I didn’t have a specific version of myself that I dreamt of becoming, but there were also things that I expected to come naturally and easily.

Maybe being a good student and having good grades. Maybe having a boyfriend and getting married right out of high school. (Talk about a dreamer, huh?) Maybe doing something world-changing—what it would be, I don’t know, but something, right?

But as I got into bed the other night, I thought about younger me. She would be proud of who I’ve become today.

I’m no longer scared of the dark. I’m not afraid to talk to the waitress. I don’t hide behind my mom when it comes to making friends or meeting new people. I’m not scared to share my feelings. I’m no longer longing to fit in or be one of the popular girls.

Younger me would be satisfied knowing that she doesn’t get scared at the idea of going to bed. She would be proud of the fact that I decided to get baptized, started a Bible study, started a blog, and am finding confidence in my faith.

We might often think, “Oh, younger me would wish I’d published a book before 18. They would have wanted better for me. They would have wished that I was doing this or that, or this or that.”

But that’s not true—because the younger version of us, although personified in this post, doesn’t get to be the one who defines our success or worth.

Our worth is not found in the dreams we once had that maybe didn’t come true. It’s not found in the value in the things we have or haven’t done by a certain age. And it’s most certainly not found in the things that we wished we could have done.

We can confidently place our value in the hands of the Father. Not just knowing that He is where our worth comes from, but also placing our trust and knowledge that He will do what He wills with us. And all of it will come to be for good.

It’s not an easy process and it’s not a short one, but it is one that is worth going on.

‘Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun.’
Psalms 37:3-6 NIV

Thanks for reading, I hope you all enjoyed and maybe related to this!
~Willow