If you’ve been following my posts for the past few months, you know that I’m moving across the country from Washington state to North Carolina and that we are taking a two-week cross-country trip to get to our new home.

And if you’ve been following me for a little while, you know that I have struggled with anxiety and depression in the past when it comes to moving or relationship changes or change in general.

This past week has been really difficult, to say the least. (Am I ready to be home, only halfway into the trip? Maybe. Maybe.) I’ve been doing a lot of questioning and hot showers haven’t been as available as I would like them to be. (That’s my safe-space for crying, in case you didn’t know.)

Well, while this past week has been as hard as heck, it’s also been unbelievably good. Let me explain.

First it began two weeks before my last youth group. I had texted a friend who sometimes misses youth group due to whatever he’s doing and said, “Hey, my last week at youth group is this day, please be there so I can say goodbye!!” He responded with, “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.🫶🏻”

Did that make my week? Maybe. Maybe. (It’s a good feeling, knowing that someone is going to take time to see you.)

The next sign began on my actual last night at youth group when I would be saying goodbye to everyone. I probably received about a million good things that night, but only a few things stuck out to me as visible signs from God.

It first started with my small group—ugh, I love them so freaking much—who had surprised me with a Shutterfly book they had made with photos they’d collected over the past two years. As if that wasn’t enough, they each had a page of photos with me and each girl along with a note from that girl on that page. And as if that wasn’t enough, the week before they had gone around the youth group (behind my back, mind you) and gotten all the kids at youth group to sign it or write a note in the back.

Has it made me so freaking happy and cry every time I look at it? Maybe. Maybe.

It kept coming. I was called up by my pastor after worship so that my small group leaders and pastor could pray over me—and let me just say, I was a freaking mess. One of my best friends, she wasn’t able to make it that night as she was at the kids camp as a counselor that week and wasn’t coming back til the next day. (What the heck, man?!) I was really disappointed that she wouldn’t be there, but then something awesome happened.

As my leaders were praying around me, my phone was in my back pocket and it buzzed three times—twice for two messages and once as the two-minute reminder thing. During the prayer I was like, “CAN YOU NOT RIGHT NOW, I’M CRYING RIGHT HERE AND HAVING A MOMENT.”

Well a few minutes later I was in the bathroom with my friend. (We were both wiping our eyes and noses.) I check my phone like, “Who the heck was interrupting that prayer?!”

It was my friend who wasn’t there and she texted, “Hey, love you so much, enjoy yourself with the others!!!! God is with you in these moments.💜💜” She had texted that while my small group had their hands on me and were praying—when she couldn’t be there.

Prayer still interrupted? Heck no—it was made ten times better.

I had texted her immediately and said, “YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED” and told her what had happened.

She responded with, “Weird, I wanted to text you that all day! I didn’t for some reason and then felt the urge to text you that message at that moment!”

If that’s not God, I don’t know what it was.

Y’all, these good things kept coming. The next thing was saying goodbye. I was talking to the friend who said he wouldn’t miss it for the world, and he told me, “I just wanted to say this: I think it’s really cool and inspiring that you come to church and youth group, go on mission trips, become friends with everybody and form a great community all while knowing you’re only going to be here for two years. ‘Cause like, there’s people who have lived here their entire lives and have’t formed a community because they’re scared. So I just think it’s really cool and awesome of you to do that.”

First of all, it was encouraging. Second of all, one of my small group leaders told me, “I was talking to my husband Tuesday morning and literally told him the same things that your friend was telling you. When I heard him saying that, I was like, ‘Did he hear my conversation with my husband?!’”

Another God sign.

That Tuesday night I also talked to my other small group leader. She pulled a book out of her purse and said, “So I got this devotional for myself. And I’ve been reading it—I’m only a few days in—but I kept feeling this nudge from God saying I should give this to you. So here you go!”

I started the devotional that night and y’all—it was explaining exactly what I was feeling. The same thing for the next day, and the next day.

Then we come to something that happened over the week. On the Bible app, the verse of the day was a Beatitude. You know, the “blessed are those who _____” verses. And when I saw them, it was the day after I said goodbye, I was sad and weepy all day, and I read it: “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Matthew 5:4. This went on for the next week. They were all ones that I needed to hear—all the Beatitudes.

It keeps coming y’all. It starts with yesterday—and yesterday I received about three different (audible) signs from God.

1. Thunder. I was in a horrible mood all day—I wanted to just cry, I was trying to be hopeful about a relationship that wasn’t ending the way I wanted, and I wanted to hear from God because I felt truly alone. Then, in the middle-of-nowehere Arizona on our way to the Grand Canyon, I saw lightning. The clouds were dark and thick and you could see for miles in the flat landscape. Thunder, lightning, hard rain—I was suddenly reassured by God.
2. It wasn’t just thunder. I texted that person who I mentioned in the in the last bullet point—because I have zero sense of boundaries—and we had a conversation that was probably pointless to most people—it was full of our goofy weirdness—but it was something I missed having in person. This was happening during the thunder storm.
3. Then my friend made a note on the Bible app. It said, “People are in your life for a season, reason, or a lifetime.” I commented, “Dude this is really good!!” And then she texted me the full image of the quote. (I’ll include it below.) When I finished reading it, I said, “Thanks for sharing, I’m saving this!” She replied with, “Something said I needed to make a note on the Bible app for some reason.” I responded with, “Dang, girl, I was thinking about this earlier and really needed it.” She said that she was shocked, she didn’t realize that and had just felt the need to add that note.

That image is an answer to so many questions I’ve had. What’s the point of this relationship? Why are we friends? Did he mean what he said? Will they keep in touch? Is this all for a good reason?

Now, you guys might be thinking, “Why is Willow making this insanely long post about her week of crappy feelings and crazy signs?”

Honestly, I’m not sure. I wanted to share it with someone—I shared it with a friend but then more good things just kept coming and I thought, “I’d wanted to make post of the ways God’s spoken to me a few months ago, and now is an even better time.”

So the point of this post is this: my week was emotionally crappy and I’m feeling more feelings than I want to feel. But despite it being confusing and conflicting, hard and painful, God is still here with me, answering my questions, listening to my cries, and being present, even if he’s not giving me direct answers.

Take the thunder for instance—I had asked for him to show me he was here, listening. And he knows that thunder is my love language. So he spoke to me. Did he answer all the questions I had with that thunder? Not exactly, but he answered my big one: are you here?

God is working in our lives, whether we see it or not. Oftentimes we aren’t looking for it—or we are looking in the wrong places. Sometimes we just need to ask, “are you here?” and he will respond with a sign of some sort.

Thanks for reading this rambling post! And great job for making it all the way through, I applaud your efforts. 👏 Have a great week!
~Willow 🧡