Happy Sunday everybody! How has your week been?

A couple weeks ago I read C.S. Lewis’s short book, A Grief Observed. Now, I love C.S. Lewis’s books, but this one is by far my favorite.

When I read the first sentence, I immediately was hooked. Hooked. Read the sentence below and see what you think:

I think that this summarizes grief perfectly.

C.S. Lewis wrote A Grief Observed after his wife’s death and if you read the book, you’ll learn that he is devastated—as he should be. And what I love so much about this book is that he learns how to cope with it, not by moping and shutting people out completely, but by talking, writing, and sharing his thoughts.

And he doesn’t share his thoughts with just himself. He doesn’t think about it and keep in his mind. Instead he actually gets the words out of his heart and mind—and transfers the thoughts onto the paper.

During the past three months—since April, the night that I got back from the mission trip—I have been fighting against myself and saying, “Keep it to yourself, don’t tell anybody, you can do this alone.” With my family’s move across the country, I’ve been arguing that I’ve done this before, I can do it one more time. I have a phone, I can keep in touch better. I’m a teenager, I’m more independent and can fly alone. I have more opportunities, chances, and time to visit my friends and those who I’ve left.

But that’s not how it works. It’s not supposed to be stuffed down—and I learned that the hard way. After many long hot showers (that’s how I cope with negative feelings), nights that felt too long, and maybe a few too many tears, I finally said goodbye to my youth group. (That was this past Tuesday.) And I can’t tell you how long I had been dreading that moment, how much it had hurt, and how often I thought about saying goodbye to the people that I love. (I see you reading this, Elise! 💛)

I didn’t know how to tell someone what I was feeling. Just bringing up how I was feeling was hard enough, much less trying to describe how I was feeling. It was just something that they had to experience for themselves.

That’s when I started writing poetry about it—after all, poetry gives you the chance to write metaphors and use unique, flowing words to better explain your emotions.

But even then the poetry wasn’t enough. (My writer-brain was getting very annoyed at this point.)

What I wanted was somebody to hurt with me in the exact same way, feel the same sharp pang in their chest, cry the same tears. Not because I wanted them to hurt, but because I didn’t want to do it alone, I wanted somebody to understand because it felt as if I was the only one who felt that way.

But then I read A Grief Observed. And the feeling that I felt was exactly what C.S. Lewis described.

And while I wish I could tell you that this book cured my sad feelings and grieving heart, it didn’t. And that’s okay.

That’s because C.S. Lewis isn’t a perfect emotion-fixer. He’s just as human as I am—and that’s why I felt so understood with his book. Because he’s human and felt those same—or at least similar—feelings as I did.

This is where the encouragement part comes in. (Yes, I am aware that I rambled a bit! Bear with me.)

Feeling as if no one understands is a part of being human. And I’ll admit—it sucks big time. It’s one of the worst feelings in the world: being alone.

There’s this amazing thing I did recently and—you may not have heard of it—but it’s called talking. I know, it’s a really crazy, revolutionary thing and it does wonders.

You see, when you open up and talk to a loved one or close friend, they will want to listen. Why? Because 1) they love you, 2) they want to understand so they can feel your pain and help you, and 3) they want to get close to you and help you know that you are loved.

This might be a friend, sibling, parent, pastor, small group leader, spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend, and honestly, sometimes even people you don’t know well are good listeners. Yes, you matter so much that even your not-so-close friends want to listen.

One thing I’ve learned recently—it was actually the message at my church on my last Sunday. God really knew I needed that!—was that when you are wallowing in your own pain and confusion, the best thing to do is shift the focus onto others. My pastor explained it like this:

1. Stop looking in the mirror
2. Look to others for help
3. Look at the lives of others
4. Look at Scripture
5. Look at Jesus

Following these steps, I’ve realized that it’s helped me considerably when it comes to feeling that sadness to the point of overwhelming grief.

It started with praying for a friend and her family. Then with listening to a friend talk about her time as a counselor at camp. Then with serving my community, following my friends and family’s examples. Then with doing more Bible reading and starting my day with a worship song. Then with remembering that when Jesus grieved his cousin’s death, he still continued to serve others.

So in conclusion? Talking and looking. Talk to others, get your feelings and emotions out of your head and give yourself some room to breathe. And look to others, Scripture, and Christ for examples of ways to live your life even in grief and pain.

This is a long post for a Sunday Encouragement post, but for some reason it was really speaking to me and I needed to write this. So I did. 🙃

I hope this was encouraging and spoke to you! Praying for you all, have a great Sunday. 💛
~Willow

If you ever have something you want me to pray for, you can absolutely contact me here for prayer requests. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing but still need or want prayer, just type out “Unspoken” and I’d love to keep you in my prayers. ❤️